Bray Wyatt Attempts World Domination One-Shot Anthology
by GateKeeperSyn
Summary: A collection of one-shot humor fics in which Bray and the Wyatt Family attempt to make people follow the buzzards. Kayfabe humor fics, previously posted individually. Featuring The Rock, Stone Cold, The Shield, Shawn Michaels, Triple H, Jeff Hardy, Mr. Anderson/Kennedy, Bully Ray, Devon, Gail Kim, Sheamus, 3MB, Los Matadores, Bo Dallas, Adam Rose, and anyone else you can think of!
1. Chapter 1

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**_ Welcome to the Bray Wyatt Attempts World Domination fics. I have posted these before as separate one-shots, but someone suggested I put them up together as well, so here they are in one location! These are the four original fics. There is a companion fic called The Super Secret Sisterhood of Female Wrestlers. That is a multi-chapter fic which features the females of WWE, TNA, and a couple of independent women as well. I am keeping that one separate because it's long, so consider it the sequel! (During which several of the males featured in these one-shots appear again.)

These fics are purely kayfabe stories where the characters remain completely stereotypical to their on-air personalities. They are meant to make people laugh. Many WWE and TNA stars pop up in this series. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them!

Please read, review, and laugh!


	2. World Domination Begins Backstage

"Rock! You are lost," Bray Wyatt said by way of greeting as The Rock passed him backstage.

"No, I'm good, actually," Rock replied.

"You are- a false idol, Rock! A tragic excuse for a savior to these people, but I!- I am the Eater of Worlds!"

"You've eaten several, from the looks of you… And the Rock thinks you ate a few funny mushrooms, too, if you smeeeellllll what the Rock is cooking!"

"I think you misunderstand me, Rock. You see, I've got the whole world in my hands!"

Rock stared at the singing man for a moment before saying, "The Rock sees that your Candy Ass is crazy."

"I have been called many things, Rock. I am a leader. I am a God! I think-"

"It doesn't matter what you think!"

"Fella!" Sheamus interrupted with a grin as he and the Miz appeared. Miz nodded by way of greeting.

Rock smiled and patted Sheamus on the back. "Good to see you guys," he said.

"Sheamus! Join me! For I am the Eater of Worlds-" Bray said.

"Feed – Me – More!" Ryback shouted as he hurried past them.

"Actually, Fella, I think that fella just beat you to the last world," Sheamus replied. "Can I interest ya in a large asteroid instead?"

"Hell yeah, it's my drinking buddy!" Stone Cold shouted as he and Ron Simmons joined them backstage. He handed Sheamus a couple of beers.

"Gentlemen!" Bray began. "You've come to witness me taking over the world."

"I thought you eat them," Sheamus said. "Which one is it, Fella?"

"What?" Stone Cold asked.

"He's the Eater of Worlds, apparently," Sheamus explained.

"What?" Stone Cold asked again.

"Follow the Buzzards!" Bray proclaimed.

Rock looked from Bray to Stone Cold before he and Stone Cold asked in unison, "What?"

"False idols will fall!" Bray informed them.

"Did your candy ass just call –The Rock- a false idol? Again?" Rock demanded.

"What?" Stone Cold asked. "I don't know what your scripture says, but Austin 3:16 says I'm about to open up a can of whoop-ass!"

"Fella!" Sheamus proclaimed as a familiar figure entered.

"Woooo!" Ric Flair shouted.

"Gonna call him a false idol, too?" Stone Cold asked Bray.

"Only I am the Eater of Worlds!" Bray proclaimed.

Ric raised an eyebrow. "Is that a challenge?" He asked.

"You are all unworthy!" Bray shouted.

Miz looked horrified. "But… I'm the Miz!" He protested. "And I'm… Awesome!"

"Of course ye are, Fella," Sheamus said, patting him on the back indulgently.

"You are nothing!" Bray informed Miz.

"I'll have you know that I'm awesome. Because I'm the Miz. And I'm awesome. Really. Ask Maryse. She thinks so. I swear. Really. She married me. Because I'm awesome. I'm awesome, aren't I, guys?"

Stone Cold raised an eyebrow. "You need this, boy," he said, tossing two cans of beer at Miz.

Miz downed the beer quickly and began muttering to himself, "It's okay. You're awesome. You're definitely awesome."

"You see? False idols are all around us!" Bray said. "You are the biggest fake of them all, Austin!"

"What?" Stone Cold demanded. He flipped Bray off before executing a Stunner.

"Woooo!" Ric shouted in approval.

"Nice one, Fella," Sheamus said.

Bray began singing to himself, "I've got the joy-joy-joy-joy-" then let out a yelp of pain as Hornswoggle ran into the backstage area, kicked him in the shin, and ran off with a grunt.

As Bray whimpered in pain, he realized others had arrived. He looked up and saw two familiar faces looking back at him. Neither wore an animal mask. His minions had failed to rescue him. Instead, one wore a ridiculously bright smile and the other was bouncing off the walls.

"Don't be a lemon, Bray," Adam Rose said cheerfully. "Be a Rosebud!"

He walked away, leaving Bray looking at the last person he wanted to see. "It's okay, Bray," Bo Dallas said. "Remember, just Bo-lieve, and everything will be fine."

"Never," Bray mumbled.

"Fine! No cookies for you then!" Bo kicked him in the head before angrily stomping away.

Bray clutched his head before struggling to stand back up. He finally rose to his feet and proclaimed, "I am the only God amongst mortals."

A gong sounded. The air suddenly froze and the lights went out. Moments later, they came back on and The Undertaker stood behind Bray. He grabbed him and tombstoned him. Bray lay motionless.

"Rest… In… Peeeeace…" The Undertaker said before vanishing in flames.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" Daniel Bryan shouted as he ran by, arms in the air.

Ron Simmons shook his head, proclaimed, "Damn!" and left.

Looking at the Miz, the Rock, Ric Flair, and Stone Cold, Sheamus shrugged. Stepping over Bray, he said, "Drinks are on me, Fellas!" With that, he led his friends away.


	3. The Heart Bray Kid

Bray Wyatt despised being humiliated. The backstage embarrassment from the previous night was unacceptable. Tonight, he would be prepared, and he would show them all who the true leader of the WWE- no, of the _world_ was.

Shawn Michaels was in the arena tonight and Bray knew if he could get through to him, everyone else would follow. Like the Rock and Stone Cold, Shawn was a false idol. He had to make him understand why he was in fact the superior one.

"You!" Bray called.

Shawn spun around and faced him. He looked over his shoulder, then back at Bray. "Me?" He asked.

"You, the so-called Heartbreak Kid! I am Bray Wyatt, the Eater of Worlds, a God amongst men."

Shawn flashed him a winning smile. "Really? What an honor. What can I do for you?"

Bray was pleasantly surprised. Maybe Shawn understood who he was and why he was so important to the world. Finally, an intelligent wrestler!

"I want to explain why I am the true ruler of this world, and all others."

Shawn nodded. "Uh-huh. Fascinating. Go on!"

Bray was delighted. "You see, I was once just a mere boy-"

"Hey Shawn," Triple H greeted his friend. "What the hell are you doing talking to this freak?"

"Shhh!" Shawn said. "I'm trying to hear what he has to say. Have some respect!"

Triple H raised an eyebrow, but fell silent. The COO was now listening to him, too! Bray had finally gained an audience with powerful people.

"I am meant to lead this world," Bray began, "starting with the wrestling industry."

"Right. Logically," Shawn said. "I mean, that beard alone is enough to impress me!"

"Where you both are worshipped by sheep, I am-"

"Followed around by a man who dresses as one?" Triple H suggested.

"Hunter, be quiet," Shawn scolded him. "The man is trying to convert us. The least we can do is listen. Besides, I think Rowan's a lamb."

"He's a sheep, Shawn."

"Lamb! I mean, clearly! Don't you know your farm animals, Hunter?"

Bray cleared his throat and said, "As I was saying, I-"

The Uso twins bounced by, breaking his concentration. They stopped, shook Shawn's hand, and waved to Triple H before bouncing away.

"They didn't even say hello to him," Triple H pointed out.

"How disrespectful!" Shawn said. "Don't they understand?" He began singing, "He's got the whole world in his hands…"

"That's right," Bray said. "I do." He joined in the singing and barely noticed Triple H glaring at Shawn.

Wade Barrett stood before him suddenly. He scowled. "Bray Wyatt! I'm afraid I've got some Bad News. You are in need of medication. Since you've failed to take it, you now seem to be suffering under the delusion that you can sing. You'll soon become ambitious and see you can't take over the world from inside the WWE. You'll audition for American Idol instead. There, you'll be humiliated on television once again for all the world to see! Even Paula Abdul couldn't come up with a nice thing to say about you, let alone whoever judges that show now. You'll realize your life is pathetic, and you'll waste away, a tragic bearded redneck whose own cousins won't find him attractive." He smiled and walked away.

"That was rude," Shawn observed.

"Yet factual," Triple H said.

"He shall be the next to fall!" Bray declared.

"Finish with one meal before the next, Bray. You already ditched the Shield halfway through because Cena was tastier. Barrett has to wait until you've finished your Fruity Pebbles," Triple H informed him.

Bray frowned. He might have spoken, but El Torito came running by. He kicked Bray in the balls as Los Matadores joined them.

"Ole!" They shouted. The three ran off as Bray fell to the floor.

Hornswoggle came running behind them shouting incoherently. He paused when he saw Bray and kicked him in the head before chasing after them.

"I feel you," Drew McIntyre told Bray. "Gotta protect the kids!"

With the members of 3MB standing over him laughing, Bray got angry. He stood back up as they chased after Hornswoggle. Where were his followers? He needed them to center him.

Shawn offered him a hand and helped him regain his balance. "So, you were saying, Mr. Eater of Worlds, Sir?" He asked.

"You gentlemen would do well to follow the buzzards," Bray said.

"Where are they going, exactly?" Shawn asked. "Because I'm banned from a couple of places due to our activities with DX."

Triple H laughed. "Good times," he said.

"You were fools!" Bray informed them.

"Of course we were," Shawn said. "Shame on us!"

"We are ashamed," Triple H added.

"Join me, Boys! I will open your eyes!" Bray said.

"Are they closed?" Shawn asked. He looked at Triple H, holding them open with his fingers, and frantically asked, "Are they open now? I can't see you! Oh my God, are you John Cena?"

"Shawn, Shawn, calm down! I think that was a metaphor."

"What's a meta-for?"

"Don't worry."

"Enlighten me, Bray! I need it! I need to have my eyes opened!"

Bray smiled. "First, we start with Sister Abigail's Kiss," he said.

"You have a sister? Is she cute?"

Triple H shook his head.

"Come, Shawn. Allow me to help you find your way!" Bray said.

Shawn nodded. "Tell me more, and then we'll talk about this kiss."

"Sister Abigail taught me so much! She – believed – in me! She loved me, and she taught me to fight, to never accept that I am less than someone else, for I am the only God amongst men! The world is an evil place, and I must lead the way!"

Shawn nodded. He waited patiently. "Are you done?" Triple H asked.

"I am ready for you, Gentlemen! Join me, and follow the buzzards!" Bray said.

Shawn looked at Triple H, who nodded. He looked back at Bray and smiled. Then he raised his leg and before Bray saw it coming, he executed Sweet Chin Music.

Bray fell to the floor. Triple H and Shawn Michaels looked down at him and said, "And if you're not down with that, we've got two words for ya!"

Harper and Rowan appeared and stared at the scene in horror. Shawn and Triple H exchanged a glance then in unison, Shawn superkicked Rowan and Triple H pedigreed Harper. Looking down upon them, they did matching crotch chops and proclaimed, "Suck it!"


	4. Dominating the Hounds

**DOMINATING THE HOUNDS**

There they stood; the three superstars Bray Wyatt most wanted to get his hands on. They were young but had already become leaders in the company. Everyone paid attention to every move they made. If these men joined his Family, there would be no stopping him. If they chose to stand against him, he would never be able to fully control the WWE.

They emanated such a force that it was difficult not to stare at them. Rollins, with his high-energy and eternal optimism, Ambrose, with his mad ramblings and brutality, and Reigns, with his Samoan heritage and hair any superstar would kill for. The Shield was all that stood between Bray Wyatt and total domination. He had to make them understand his cause.

"Gentlemen!" Bray called, revealing himself.

Seth Rollins jumped out of his skin. "Dude! Have you been standing there the whole time?"

"Stalker," Dean Ambrose mumbled under his breath.

"Today is a blessed day! I have decided to bestow upon you the gift of my knowledge!" Bray informed them.

Seth and Dean exchanged glances. Roman stood, silent and strong, staring Bray down. Damn, he was an intimidating man. Bray would have to do his best to stare back at him without getting lost in those stunning eyes of his.

"Bray, we're not interested in joining your freaky little sideshow," Seth informed him.

"You must understand, Seth Rollins, that I am a God amongst men!"

Dean became furious at this. "You? You're no God, Bray! _I'm_ the only God here!" He pulled out, of all things, a fanny pack, placed it around his waist, and proclaimed "YOU COULD NEVER WEAR A FANNY PACK!"

Bray found this statement a bit odd, and he found very little odd so that was saying something. "You are a mere boy, Ambrose," Bray informed him. "I'm the true ruler here. You see, when I was a boy, I-"

"You know what, Wyatt? Shut up and stop stealing my promos!"

Bray was deeply offended. How DARE he accuse him of such a thing? "I speak the truth, Ambrose! Your accusations are false!"

"Really? Go on Youtube sometime and look up Jon Moxley, you stupid asshat, and you'll realize you ripped your best material off of my indie days!"

"He's right," Seth said. "I knew I recognized the way you talked… That's why everyone listens to you… You're ripping off the Mox!"

"But he could never wear a fanny pack! TELL HIM, SETH! TELL HIM HE COULD NEVER PULL THIS OFF!" He motioned toward his fanny pack proudly.

"Of course not," Seth said soothingly. "You're the only one who manages to make a fanny pack look cool, Dean."

"Believe that," Roman said.

Bray turned to him. Oh no, that Samoan smolder was radiating off of him again. He was in trouble now. _Focus, Bray,_ he told himself. _You must not be distracted by the pretty Samoan boy._

"Ambrose, you are nothing! Moxley was a fool with a fork!"

"Leave her out of this!" Dean shouted. He was starting to twitch.

"Back away, Bray," Seth advised. "You must never insult the fork."

"You son of a bitch! I'll kick your ass right here! I'll show you what a fork can really do!" With that, Dean seemingly materialized a fork out of thin air. Before Bray knew what was happening, the fork was being stabbed into his head repeatedly. Blood gushed down his face. What the hell was going on? How had things turned so terribly wrong? Had it happened in the moment he'd been distracted by Roman, or was there some other fatal flaw to his plan?

The fork was still in his skull when Dean backed away. He was laughing manically. "That's what you get!" He began singing to himself. Bray thought he could make out the tune of _Sweet Caroline,_ but maybe it was the blood loss.

"You! Could NEVER! WEAR A FANNY PACK!" Dean insisted. Bray nodded, too delirious to argue anymore.

Seth and Roman were laughing hysterically. Bray thought he could try to attack them, but Roman superman punched him and Seth successfully executed Peace of Mind on him. He was trying to stand back up when Roman attacked with a Spear.

The last thing Bray Wyatt heard was the sound of the Shield members laughing and Roman saying, "Believe that! And believe in the Shield!"

 **A/N:** This is the third installment in my Bray Wyatt World Domination Fics Series. In this world, the Shield is still very much united, because I feel that's how it should be. As far as the many very odd Dean references, go on Youtube and check out Jon Moxley to understand them. Especially THIS video: watch?v=B9EsEz5Xg3g

Thanks for reading these ridiculous fics. I'm enjoying writing them and I hope you're enjoying reading them.


	5. Bray Eats TNA

**BRAY EATS TNA**

Bray Wyatt was at a loss. No one seemed to hear his message, to truly understand his power. He needed to do something extreme.

It came as a pleasant surprise to see that TNA was taping Impact only one state over. Could it be destiny that he take control of the smaller, less popular franchise? What would Sister Abigail do?

"To be an idol, you must do as other idols have done, even though they are false," he decided.

"Harper! Rowan!" He bellowed for his minions.

Harper appeared first. Rowan came running behind him, frantically pulling on the mask that nearly always covered his face. He took his position next to Harper silently, both men awaiting orders.

"Boys! Sister Abigail has told me what must be done!" Bray declared. "Just as the false idols of DX invaded WCW, we must conquer TNA! For I am the Eater of Worlds, and TNA demands to be swallowed!"

They piled into the family vehicle. Bray made Harper drive so he could focus on his goal. He'd seen TNA once or twice and he knew the key to taking over was getting Jeff Hardy on his side. Hardy ruled the locker room at TNA and was the very fabric that held it together. He was also a former WWE superstar, like so many others. They were lost members of WWE's flock, fallen from Vince McMahon's grace, and Bray knew he could guide them to a _true_ God if he tried.

The Wyatt Family did not have a tank like DX, nor did they try to be so obvious in their invasion of a rival company. Instead, Bray and his minions crept silently into the arena, blending in easily with the smelly, dirty, bearded redneck wrestling fans attending this particular event, and when the time was right, they slipped effortlessly backstage. Perhaps Bray's omnipotent powers kept them invisible to the enemy, or perhaps TNA simply couldn't afford enough security to cover all areas of the arena, but either way, they were exactly where they needed to be.

A quiet man stood watching them carefully. After several moments, Bray noticed him. He was a bit unnerving as he gazed at the Wyatt Family. After an agonizingly long, awkward silence, the man spoke in an oddly monotone voice.

"Bray Wyatt," he said. "What an honor. I'm such a fan."

Bray was thrilled by such a greeting. How promising! Already, he had found a potential new member of his flock. "I'm so pleased to hear that. What's your name, my son?"

"I'm Samuel. Samuel Shaw."

"Samuel, would you like to follow the Buzzards?"

"Yes. Yes, of course…" He looked around nervously.

"What troubles you, my son?"

Samuel glanced around some more, finally whispering frantically, "They're watching me…"

Bray was confused. "Who is?"

"Anderson, Christie… Everyone…"

"Oh, look!" A loud voice proclaimed as a man joined them from the shadows. "Creepy Bastard made a new friend! Hello, Creepy Friend! Hey, wait… Aren't you Bray Wyatt? Did the WWE get tired of the cult leader gimmick and fire you? Welcome to TNA! All survivors of the WWE find themselves here eventually. We're like the Island of Misfit Wrestlers. Oh, how rude of me! I didn't introduce myself!"

Curiously, the man extended his hand toward the ceiling. Even more curious was the fact that a microphone immediately began descending toward him until it slipped easily into his hand. "Miiiiiisssssteeeerrrr Annnndeeeerrrrsssoooon!" He proclaimed. He paused, then quickly and loudly got in Bray's face to yell, "Anderson!"

"Kennedy," Bray registered aloud, recognizing the former WWE Superstar.

"That's my WWE slave name, but yeah, I answer to that, too," Anderson said cheerfully. "So, what are you and your merry band of Rednecks doing here?"

"Ken Anderson, we are here to educate you all about my rule. You see, I am a God amongst men-"

Anderson stared at him. "How very modest of you," he said after a moment.

"Modesty is a trait of men. A God has no need of it."

"Wow. Seriously? _Now_ I see why you and Samuel here are so chummy. You're _both_ nuts."

"Do not speak to our leader that way!" Harper protested in anger.

"Or what? You'll kiss me? Seriously, I'm honored, but I'm a married man, and Bray's kissed so many superstars, I'm a little worried I might catch something…"

"You watch your mouth!"

"Got a mirror?"

"Respect our leader or we will destroy you!"

Anderson was laughing now. He pulled out a cell phone. "What are you doing?" Bray asked.

"I have the men in white coats on speed dial for Creepy Bastard here, but I think they'll come get you, too, if I ask," Anderson explained patiently.

Rowan yanked the cell phone out of his hands and said, "Run."

"Not until you give me back my I-Phone, dude. It's expensive. I work for TNA and I have babies to feed, so money's not something I just throw away."

"Are these guys bothering you, Anderson?" Someone asked as he approached them. Bray recognized him, too. It was Bubba Ray, only here, he went by Bully Ray. He was another fallen WWE flock member he could try to recruit.

"Well, the men are just talking shit, but the lamb or sheep or alpaca or whatever just stole my cell phone," Anderson replied.

"What the fuck? Bray Wyatt? And Company? What are they doing here? Don't tell me they got fired."

"Not yet, I don't think. They were just making friendly chitchat with Creepy Bastard."

"Should I call… You-Know-Who? To get You-Know-What?"

"No, I don't see a need for that, yet."

Bully Ray looked disappointed. He brightened, however, when a beautiful sight came walking toward them.

Bray, too, was distracted by the lovely Asian Goddess before them. She was also a false idol, and was another fallen WWE flock member.

"Miss Kim," he said sweetly. "My flock could use a member such as yourself."

Gail Kim glared at him in disgust. "Seriously?" She demanded. "Do you _know_ who I _am_? I'm Gail Kim, you filthy, disgusting creep! You aren't worthy of _looking_ at me, let alone talking to me! Who are these losers?"

"Bray Wyatt and his redneck lunatic cult," Anderson supplied.

"You _wish_ you could talk to me. I'm Gail Kim, Motherfuckers! That's right, as in _Gail-Mother-Fucking-Kim_! I'm too good for you! I'm too good for _anyone!_ I'm a former WWE Diva, and more importantly, I'm the _reason_ the TNA Knockouts division exists! Get the fuck out of my arena!"

Anderson and Bully Ray exchanged amused glances. Samuel Shaw and Harper stared at Gail with equally lust-filled expressions on their faces.

"This is the only time in the history of _ever_ we're going to say this, Gail," Angelina Love said as she appeared. She wasn't alone.

"But we couldn't agree with you more," Velvet Sky added. She pulled out three paper bags, one with a photo of Angelina on it and two with photos of herself, and proceeded to hand one to Angelina.

"These boys _desperately_ need a make-over," Angelina decided. She placed the bag with her photo on Bray's head while Velvet covered Harper and Rowan with her bags.

"Better?" Velvet asked.

"Not really. Even our make-overs can only do so much," Angelina said sadly. "But it's a start! Come on, Velvet! Let's go be beautiful in a less ugly setting!" She took Velvet's hand and pulled her away.

"Gail-Mother-Fucking-Kim!" Gail shouted again before kicking each of the men in the groin and stomping off.

"Ouch," Anderson said sympathetically.

Bray was furious now. He pulled the paper bag off of his head. Harper did the same. Rowan didn't seem to mind the Velvet bag and left it on his head.

MVP, Kenny King, and Bobby Lashley joined them. Kenny King began laughing like a hyena at the sight of Rowan in the paper bag. Lashley looked at Anderson and Bully Ray in confusion, but said nothing.

"Bray Wyatt? Luke Harper? And… Velvet Sky?" MVP asked. "You've kind of let yourself go, there, Velvet… What the hell are you three doing here?"

"We're here to inform all of you that you are living a lie! Only _I_ am a God amongst men! I can show you the way!" Bray began.

"Bitch! I have a _torn meniscus_ and should _not_ be engaging in _any_ acts of violence, but, since you all just invaded my universe, it's time to make an exception!" He picked up his crutch and raced at Bray.

Bray ducked out of the way. Harper took the crutch in his gut instead. MVP began bashing the crutch against Harper's head over and over again until Harper hit the floor, his normally crazy-looking eyes rolling up into his head as he fell unconscious.

MVP grinned. "That's how it's done!" Kenny King proclaimed.

Lashley went to attack Bray, but Rowan grabbed Lashley and knocked him to the ground. Kenny King began laughing harder. "Yo! Lashley just got his ass kicked by Velvet Sky!" He declared.

"Shut up, Idiot!" Lashley growled at him.

"What is this?" Ethan Carter III demanded. EC3 and Rockstar Spud stared at the mess that had been made backstage. "Who made this mess? Clean it up! And… Hold up, why are the Wyatts here? This is _not_ the WWE! This is _Carter Country!_ "

"Madam would be most upset," Spud said nervously.

Bully Ray began twitching. "Over… Your… Dead… Body…" he automatically began reciting. "Must… Get… Tables…"

"Not yet, Bully," Anderson said, putting his hand on his shoulder.

Bully Ray scowled, but said nothing. Wisely, EC3 grabbed Spud and declared, "Get them out of here!" Then he and Spud ran away.

Bray recognized the next man who came toward them. It was Gunner, a former marine and respectable man. Surely, he would understand who he was and why he was superior and to be respected.

"Gunner!" Bray proclaimed. "My flock needs a good soldier! Join us, and I promise you all you desire!"

"Your flock?" Gunner asked. "Only one man has a flock I'll follow, Mr. Wyatt, and that's the Lord, Jesus Christ."

"A false idol! For he was born merely a man!"

"What did you just say?!" Gunner grabbed Bray by the throat and pushed him against the wall before performing a fist drop on him. Then he picked him up and pulled him into the Gun Rack.

Bray laughed at the pain, until Gunner threw him on the floor and speared him. He fell down and groaned in pain.

Bully Ray was laughing as hard as Kenny King had been now. "Nice one," Anderson complimented Gunner.

"You… do _not_ … insult my Lord in front of me!" Gunner declared. He marched away angrily.

James Storm came out drinking a beer. He looked at Bray, crumpled on the floor, and his minions, struggling to stand back up and asked, "What the hell happened here?"

"The Wyatts are invading TNA," Bully Ray explained.

"I am the Eater of Worlds!" Bray declared.

"And apparently, they've come to eat us," Anderson added.

Storm took a swig of his beer and shrugged. "Carry on," he said. "I could care less." As he walked by, he kicked Harper hard. "Oops," he said. "Sorry!"

"Not according to the other leg," Anderson pointed out.

Storm looked at his other leg, which read, "Not Sorry" and laughed. "Oh, that's right1 I'm not sorry!" He cracked the beer bottle over Harper's head and walked off, mumbling about wasted liquor and getting himself another drink.

Bray began feeling helpless until he spotted another former WWE Superstar, one he had forgotten about entirely. Mike Knox, now known as Knux, was coming through. And he had a beard to make any Wyatt proud! A kindred spirit!

"My friend!" Bray declared. "Come join us! Our domination begins today!"

Knux looked confused. His girlfriend Rebel was pressed against him. She was carrying flaming batons. The tip of one caught Rowan's Velvet Sky bag and it went up in flames.

"Oh no! The Ginger's on fire!" Anderson declared.

"How can you tell?" Bully Ray asked.

Crazy Steve rode through on a tricycle and sprayed a fire extinguisher at Rowan's head. The force of it knocked Rowan to his knees. Steve honked his horn several times.

The three members of the Bromans appeared, one looking particularly terrified of the clown. "I… Hate… Clowns…" Robbie E declared as he scratched himself furiously.

"I can save you, my son," Bray informed him.

Robbie E looked mildly interested in this proposition, but Crazy Steve honked his horn in agitation and Robbie panicked and fled with a girlish scream. His friends raced after him.

Bray focused once again on Knux. "Join me and I will give you everything you've ever desired," he promised.

"No thanks," Knux replied. "I've got my _own_ circus." He guided Rebel away. The Freak appeared. He picked Bray up as though he weighed nothing and tossed him hard against Harper and Rowan, knocking all three down. Crazy Steve tooted his horn again before peddling away, the Freak following him.

"Now? Is it time _now?_ " Bully Ray asked Anderson.

"Not quite yet," Anderson said. "Patience." Somehow, in all the chaos, he'd snatched his phone back and placed it safely in his pocket.

"All of you are fools! I demand to see Jeff Hardy!" Bray declared.

"I'm not sure if Jeff's here right now," Anderson said.

"Might be Willow," Bully Ray added.

"Who is pretty God-like in his own right…"

"Take me to Jeff Hardy!" Bray demanded again.

Suddenly, someone appeared as if out of thin air and Bray felt arms wrap around his neck. In seconds, he was on the floor.

"Twist of Fate!" Bully Ray declared.

"No, it's Twist of _Hate_ , remember?" Anderson asked. "Let's not give Vince a reason to sue us!"

"Taz screws it up every week anyway," Bully Ray pointed out.

"You wanted to see me?" Jeff asked.

Bray stared up at him, trying to regain his composure. This was highly embarrassing.

"Jeff Hardy. I am here to ask you to join my family. You see, I am Bray Wyatt, and I am a God amongst men, the Eater of Worlds, the Destroyer, the-"

"Could you get to your point? I'm a busy guy," Jeff said.

"You _will_ join me! And you _will_ help spread my message to the masses!"

"I will?" Jeff asked.

"Yes! For you are wise, Jeff Hardy, and I see that in you! You have seen the darkness, and here you stand! Together, we can rule the world!"

"Hey, I think he's trying to replace y'all," Jeff said to Harper and Rowan. "I'm not interested, Bray."

"How _dare_ you deny me? I am a God! I am- Where are you going?"

"Just trying to get a better view," Jeff said as he began climbing up a ladder, which led to a landing, which led to another ladder and a higher landing. "Go on. I'm listening."

"Right… Um… I am a God! I'm all that you will never be! But together, Jeff, we can be unstoppable! I can give you- What are you doing?"

Jeff was standing on the edge of the landing, seemingly bracing himself for something. "Just balancing myself," he promised. "I wouldn't want to fall. Go on, I'm still very interested in hearing this."

"I am the Eater of Worlds, and I will eat your little TNA… Your only chance for survival is to stand by my side and join my family! You and I will be-"

Bray's message was cut shut as Jeff Hardy Swanton Bombed him from no less than forty feet in the air. Bray was knocked out immediately.

"Now?" Bully Ray asked Anderson in excitement.

"Now!" Anderson agreed.

"DEVON!" Bully Ray screamed. Sure enough, Devon appeared nearby. "GET THE TABLES!"

As Bray slowly came around, he watched Devon set up three tables. First, Devon picked up Rowan and held him over the table and Bully Ray completed the Dudley Death Drop. Rowan crashed through the table. Then, they repeated the act with Harper.

When Devon picked up Bray, he tried to struggle, but he was still too out of it from Jeff's attack. As Bully Ray's arms pulled him downward, Bray was powerless to save himself from the table.

Samuel Shaw inched away into the shadows as the men in white coats appeared. "Gentlemen, these men are to get the same wonderful treatment you gave poor Creepy Bastar- I mean, Samuel," Anderson said. The men loaded first Rowan, then Harper into their van with padded walls. Finally, they tried to grab Bray. He fought back somehow and thought he had escaped. He was wrong.

Out of nowhere, Jeff hit him with Whisper in the Wind. He must have climbed up on something again when Bray wasn't looking, the tricky bastard. Bray hit the floor and Jeff celebrated by trying (and failing) to look cool dancing. That was the last thing Bray saw before the sedative kicked in.

 **A/N: This was the fourth installment in my Bray Wyatt Attempts to Conquer the World series. It is the longest (so far) because I wanted to give TNA a single fic in this series and I ended up wanting to include a LOT of the superstars. I hope you enjoyed it! And I do apologize for Gail Kim's mouth. I have no idea why she felt the need to keep inserting "Mother Fucker" into everything. (Because she's Gail-Mother-Fucking-Kim, THAT'S WHY!) I obviously own none of these people or characters, and this fic is not to be taken even slightly seriously. It is intended only to make you laugh as hard as I did while writing it.** **As always, thank you for reading, and I look forward to your reviews.**


End file.
